My Final Words (in Inuit)

So I’m teaching TomTom to make sealed exits from his new Fluid kayak in our pool. As a prelude to learning to eskimo roll. He was a bit nervous when upside-down in his lessons, so I want him to wear a diving mask and relax as he looks around and orients himself.

Long chats about how cold the water is and much procrastination, but we finally have the shortie wetsuit and the splashcover on and he steps into the boat.

Step into the middle and sit right down, boetie, I instruct him, get your centre of gravity low as soon as possible.

So he stands more erect. You look like you’re about to make a speech, I say.
I would like all to know that if I die I want my will given to my Dad”, he pronounces solemnly, standing even more upright in the boat.And also to my big sister Jess, and I also want people to know I didn’t want to die”.

Sit down, you goat! You’re such a drama queen.
He sits, hosing himself and it’s a few minutes before we both stop laughing and can get to the next stage.

SO: I’ll flip you now; Sit tight, brace yourself in the boat; Look at me underwater; Give a thumbs up; Look at the water surface; Only THEN pull the splashy release handle, put your knees together and slowly emerge from the boat. Slide, don’t kick. Then swim to the top; OK?

“Dad, you’ve got man-boobs!” he says, triggering another round of helpless laughter as we proceed nowhere fast . . .

But he did it. Three times. Whattastar.

Afterwards we showered under the hot outdoor shower, so its no longer a complete white elephant and goes to prove I was right: You NEED a hot outdoor shower.


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