Is My Arse Red?

It actually happened. How often have we joked about it but every now and again you get a real live one. I sent an email to a colleague:

I’m checking Gran’s eyes; today – five minutes ago. She’s 75 and has a fly and a cobweb running around in front of her one eye the last couple days. Grandson insists on komming saam, to sit in the room while I check Ouma out. Huge oke, like 6’4″ and 120kg, so who am I to argue?

Just when I’m about to tell Gran she should see an ophthalmic surgeon to rather be safe, he pipes up from the rear dark corner where he has sat quietly up till now:

‘Doctor lemme arse you this: Why’s my arse so sensitive to lart?’


My colleague replied with a similar tale:

I have two Afrikaans gay men that visit me in the practice … both now in their 70’s; fight like cat & dog but they are really good together.

One was a hairdresser and the other worked for the railways.

The railways fella complained to me, ‘My arse hurts when I read …’

My mind turned south and I was tempted to reply, ‘Maybe ask K__ to back off until after you’ve finished reading.’


Translations if you ain’t a Seffrican:

ouma – gran

komming saam – accompanying gran into the consulting room

arse – pronounced aahs – ask

arse – pronounced aahs – eyes

lart – pronounced laaht – light

Seffrican – South African

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