Family & Kids, Life

A Day Off (for a married man)

A long day off stretched ahead of me. My schedule looked like this:

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Bliss!

“Oh, I booked you for an assessment at the gym at 6am” says my Aitch.

GYM? My shadow never darkens the door of any gym! She knows that! “Calm down, it’s with Tanya the biokineticist and it’s for Vitality points” Aitch instructs me patiently. “And I told you about it” she reminds me.

Oh, well, thank goodness its early, the rest of the day will be just me and chilling.

Aitch is taking the younger to school and doing his class reading, so I suggest we meet for breakfast before her chemo, making my second appointment for the day. My day off is filling up.

At the gym Tanya worked my case with pushups and crunchies and other forms of torture – which seem like nothing compared to when she starts measuring me.

“It’s OK, just put 75kg” I said for weight.
“No I must measure” she says, hauling out the scale from under the torture bed.
“92,8” she announces. Oh.

“99cm” I say as she approaches me with the tape (knowing that over 100 classifies one as obese in this freaky anal gym-world environment.). “106” she deadpans. I clearly hear the implied “Jy’s obese, ou bees”.

But she’s very sweet in the end, telling me I’m absolutely perfect and supremely healthy if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m fat and unfit. I squeak into the bottomest of the “acceptable” rating. Up from “fair” six months ago (which is the last time I did any bending or pushing). Aitch will get her bonus Vitality points. Phew!!
Tanya gives me a list of stuff I must eat (crunchy and fruity) and stuff I must avoid (succulent and tasty).

I get home and Jess is waiting to be taken to school.

At breakfast with Aitch at Oscar’s on the Berea, I get prrring prrring (actually I got Reelin’ and Rockin’ as Jessie has changed my ringtone).
“Why aren’t you at the clinic?”
Mad scramble for St Mary’s hospital at Marianhill, gotta stop at home to pull on some long pants – How was I to know? I’m on leave! (OK, if I’d read my sms earlier . . . ) – As I shovel a last mouthful of Oscar’s kipper into my beak, Aitch shoves a list into my hand.

So now my day looks like this:
6.00am Torture and Humiliation

7.10am Jess to school

8.00am Breakfast with Aitch

8.30am Eye Clinic volunteer duty
(arrived 9.20am – could get fired – yeah, right!)

1.30pm Fetch Jess from school

2.30pm Fetch Tom from soccer

3.30pm Take Jessie to swimming

4.30pm Fetch Jess from swimming

5.00pm Take Tom to cub scouts

7pm Fetch Tom from cubs

Jessie asked nicely to skip swimming. I said FINE. Tommy immediately said “Great, so I’m skipping cubs”.
No way. It was the AGM and all the cubs were in full uniform. My fella had all his kit on and looked really spiff. So much so that his bare feet almost didn’t seem to matter. Except to Akela.

CubScout Wandsbeck (5)

Bliksem! Tomorrow I’m going to take the day off. By going to work.

Africa, Family & Kids, Life, Wildlife, Game Reserves

Perceptions & Fears? – Knowledge Helps

While we’re packing for a camping trip to Mkhuze the vervet monkeys sneak into the kitchen and grab the fresh peanuts. The peanuts grown by Thulisiwe just north of Jozini on the Makathini Flats, which she then roasts over an open fire and salts herself. Tobias brings us some whenever he goes home.

Tom spots them on the roof, spilling the nuts as they chomp them, the spilt ones rolling down the tiles into the gutter. Hey! he shouts and remonstrates and fulminates! Tom and the monkeys, not a good relationship despite all my lectures (because of?).

After a while I tell him Relax m’boy, its OK for the monkeys to have the nuts. We left them in the open, their job is to glean and gather, so that’s that.
But he doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t like them. I think its because he’s a bit scared of them, so I ask him:

TomTom, how big do you think the monkeys are, fella? How much do they weigh?
About 90kg, he guesses.
Guess again. First, how much do you weigh?
45kg
And the monkeys?
15kg?

Guess lower.
5kg?
Try 4kg

Oh.

10 Elston vervet (1)