Fokkop Deluxe

Greg phones: Hey my son Steve is down from doing research near Kruger Park, can you test his eyes? No prob.

Test, order specs. Steve is leaving tomorrow early, so arrange to fetch specs at the lab and connect with Greg that evening.
I leave work early.

Battery flat. Flatter than flat. Left the lights on. My big china Dronk Jan Kleynhans the carguard from Harrismith “didn’t notice they were on” (he looks after a grand total of about six cars on the roof of our centre, and sits right behind mine. Was snoring his fukken head off I spose!).

Check the garage. Can’t help. Check Battery Centre. Can’t help. Phone the AA. Coming.

I phone the lab. I’ll be late. “No problem, my huncle goes to the funeral parlour downstairs and sits there till 7pm” (drinking blue top till he feels he can face the wife?).

AA arrives, needs two batteries to kickstart the diesel, then “Hey, you test eyes? I got troublems with my bifocal no good can you help?

Get to the lab, but don’t want to switch off, and even I can’t leave the key in the ignition with the engine running while I go in (not that I wouldn’t, but I feel that would be just TOO embarrassing to explain if the bakkie got whipped. YOU DID WHAT? WHERE? UMHLATUZANA? YOU DOOS!)

While I juggle nearer to the funeral parlour door, an ou shuffles up “Buy some DVD’s very good DVD’s they play I won’ sell you DVD’s that don’ play“. No thanks. “Hey Larney I’m telling you they good DVD’s check: New movies Bollywood this Bollywood that, even white ous movie one I got“. No I don’t want, really. “Who you looking for larney?” Terence’s uncle in the funeral parlour. “I know that hou, I’ll go and tell him” Hey thanks.

Comes back with a package with Pete Swanepoel written on it. Thanks a ton. I’m off.

Phone Greg: Come to Mo’s Noodles, I’ll buy you supper. Great idea. Arrange Cecelia to look after the brats.

Halfway thru supper I realise I have forgotten the whole reason for the meeting: Left the specs at home in my briefcase out of which I had grabbed my wallet! FUCK! Turns out it’s no problem, Steve is no longer leaving early, he’s leaving after lunch. Fine.

Next morning I check the specs. A woman’s plastic frame with +2,00’s. Steve’s is a metal frame with +0,75’s. Thank goodness I had forgotten them and didn’t haul them out in the restaurant!

Steve’s were now at work, having taken the usual delivery instead of this woman’s specs.
Fetched and FINALLY delivered at lunchtime.

Yussis! WHAT a fokkop.

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