Hillbilly Oogtoets

Seventeen year-old lass comes in for a check. She’s with Dad and older sister in advanced state of pregnancy. This is some long years ago – remember BBM’s?

Kom maar deur, I say to the one whose appointment it is.

Pa and sis push ahead and squeeze in, with Pa standing right next to the chair, sis BBM’ing away, and much “ky’daar” and questions. Throughout the exam they talk away, sis BBM’ing or MXit’ing non-stop while geselsing with Pa about anything under the sun. I have to repeat everything so kleinsis understands, as she’s also listening to them. She “haai“‘s about everything I tell as though it’s the first time she’s ever heard somefing like vat – meantime it’s the third time she’s had her eyes tested by me! Pushes the phoropter away every now & then to look at me and say, “Rȇrig oom?”

Pa, by the way, is kaalvoet in black shorts with black sleeveless tanktop. The two lasses are dressed well. Good-looking girls too. Pa’s the odd one out.

Fascinating. They live in Durban, but in a parallel universe. And dof? Not so much: As we end, he asks for a driver’s screening and sis asks about her coming baby: “Doctor, I jis wanna arse: When mah baby arrahves how will I know if her arse is perfick?”

Mission accomplished! – they got their three-for-the-price-of-one.

–oo0oo~~

From Aussie, Steve chimes in: Sounds like one of my regulars when I used to work at Redbank, one of the outer suburbs of Ipswich, to the west. One of my Aussie friends, when he heard I was working there, said, “Oh no, you’re working in six finger country.” The additional digit was apparently quite commonplace out that way, though I think I only saw it once myself. Handy for BBM’ing I would imagine.

Still, quite nice. LOTS of no-shows, and arrivals when THEY thought the appointment was.

Love it when the accompanying persons shoulder through. Especially when it’s just a mate who is there for the entertainment. They get bored after three minutes though, and ask how long it’s gonna take. After that, immersed in their iPhone but then perk up when the trial frame goes on the nose and want to take a picture . . .

–oo0oo~~

oogtoets – eye exam

kom maar deur – come in

ky’daar – look at that! and that! and that!

geselsing – chatting

kleinsis kleinsus – lil sister

haai – gosh

Rȇrig oom? – really, uncle?

kaalvoet – barefoot

dof – thick

arse – ask

arse – eyes

Medical Rounds

7.30am Jessie to the dentist up the road in Westville. A filling dropped out. I leave her there – she can walk home.

10am Mother Mary to the ophthalmologist in Pietermaritzburg (PMB). R. 6/18 and L. 6/36 no worse than before; Pressures holding good with the drops; field loss very near to the macula. All much the same as a year ago, so at least that’s the good news. She’s around -2,50 / -1,50 and you know what? She can read much better if she removes her son’s glasses. Funny that . .

11.30am the old man to the optometrist in PMB. Thanks to my good friend Owen Hilliar we don’t need him to schlep to Durban this time. Ooh! His eyes widen and he sits up straight. This is a better optometrist! She’s young and female! He’s been saddled with an old bald plump male optom down in Durban for years. And: She, at least, laughs at his jokes!

He has lost his slight myopia and doubled his astigmatism to -1,50 so this should help a bit. Still only 6/15+ best though. Of course, he doesn’t actually need glasses, ‘I can see perfectly without them; just not when I have to read small print , or in poor light, or the score on the TV, or road signs, but otherwise PERFECT.’ But to humour his son he’ll get some glasses. ‘See this here? If I took it out into the sun I could read it no problem without any glasses.’ Ja, Dad, it’s overcast and raining today. Hmph . .

Read this: M S R U – ‘Um, Vee, Ess, Aar, Gee.’ OK, close. That was the 6/12 line, so she gave him 6/15+.

When we leave I try and pay or get them to claim from Medshield. Ooh, no, sir, we have strict instructions from Mr Hilliar not to charge you anything. Quite a guy, young Owen Hilliar!

I tell them all to take a week off in December, they’ve been so kind. They don’t believe I have that kind of authority. ** sigh **

~~~oo0oo~~~