Tag Archives: Jessica Swanepoel

Homeful Again

So I sold my forever home and bought a camper. ‘Grey Nomad,’ I thought. Well, I soon found out: A Nomad I Ain’t. Also not grey. It’s gone white. Here’s what’s wrong with being a nomad: Weekends, long weekends and school holidays. Suddenly rocking up without a booking is frowned upon.

So the three years on the road turned out to be around twenty months travelling and the rest comfortably holed up at a special low-low beer-money rental in Broose’s 4-bedroom 3-bathroom beach cottage in the metropolis of Mtwalume, KZN South Coast. The only hard part about loafing on the Souf Cose was that niggling feeling that I really should be looking for a place, a home.

So, in stits and farts, I did. Nottingham Road. Fort Nottingham, Mtwalume, Shelley Beach, Hibberdene, Pennington, I looked; One place in Scottburgh was under R900k for absolutely everything I needed, two bedrooms, big deck, fully furnished, all appliances, aircon, two huge TVs, the works. Owner desperate to join his daughter in England. Pennington got a second and third look – lovely village – but the commitmentphobia held up. After much dodging, I did look at Howick, the Southern Hemisphere’s largest above-ground cemetery. I would definitely not have, but Tabbo made me promise I would, and then he died, meaning I really had to. So I went.

AmberNow, AmberThen, AmberGris 1 through 7, AmberNyet, AmberNever, Eagle something, St Johns the baptist, etc. No. Just NO. Then the town, where a number of grey-haired biddies thought, At Last a Buyer! as I praised their lovely homes and what was great about them. All true, but that did not mean I was about to reduce my savings by two to three million. Sorry. Then I had a clever procrastinating thought: Kick for touch! I asked to rent a place so I could see if I could live in Howick. No problem, I was introduced to a new tannie. She had plenty of places to rent, but ‘the daughter may be a problem,’ she said – Jess was with me by now. Thanks Tannie, You made it easier. Bye, Howick.

On to Mtunzini. Now I got serious. This is a lovely plekkie. Near all the Zolooland reserves, the forests, the coastal resorts. Great birding. Like Pennington, off the main road, so quieter. Better run than the South Coast towns, so this looked right. So I looked at homes. A lot of homes – R2.4m to R3.6m. Oh boy. Well, I’d rent out part of the property to help with an income, right? What am I thinking? Me, the world’s worst landlord.

What I should have done is go back to my checklist: 1. Spend less than the R1.99m I got for my Westville home – a target long abandoned cos of arched eyebrows as estate agents showed me better places in better locations; 2. Be as much off-the-grid as possible; 3. Have good comms – cellphone or fibre; 4. NOT behind a gate of any sort; None of the expensive homes ticked all four.

I’ve an idea Jess! Let’s procrastinate; kick for touch! So we rented a lovely 4-bedroom 3-bathroom wooden cottage at the edge of town bordering the forest for five months. All the while lovely kind Dee, KZN’s most patient estate agent stuck by me, patting me on the head and saying moenie worry nie.

In the end I did what I always do: Ignore the checklist and go cheap, eventually buying a lovely small pozzie on leased land for R1m and I’ll show you the pros and I’ll ignore the cons. It was cheap; It has great solar power – one 6KVA and one 3KVA; It has two water tanks; it’s fully furnished, all appliances, lots of toys; it was cheap; a small garden rigged for automatic micro-irrigation twice a day. All I have to do is rip out the azaleas, columbines, daffodils, daisies and other weeds and plant the right stuff; Also get rid of a mess of flower pots, hanging and earthbound, many garden gnomes and two concrete table and bench sets out of four. And as I mentioned, not expensive.

It is lock-up-and-go. OK, it’s behind a gate in a caravan park, true. I can’t have it all, but I can have savings in my pocket! Two out of four’s not bad. And I don’t have to shop for anything! I hate shopping, and there’s more than enough stuff here for a lifetime. Goodness Ntuli and Strongman have stayed on working one day a week each and have taken a bunch of excess stuff home with them. Willie from Sondela Second hand Stuff Store brought a trailer and carted away two fridges, a deep freeze, a tumble dryer, a bed/couch, sundry other stuff and gave me some cash.

So we’re settling in to our new log cabin and loving it. Jess is thrilled, which helps a lot; the small place has four aircons and nine mounted fans – a clue to what summer will be like in Zululand! Three TVs and a jacuzzi which delighted Jess. One drawback she really didn’t like was the poor comms. FINALLY! she said in desperate relief, when we got fibre. It took ALMOST THREE WEEKS, Dad! We’ve elected not to hook up the satellite dish – it can sommer sit there as a status symbol.

Oh, and Jess got a lovely, relaxed, unfazed welcome.

~~oo0oo~~

Shingwedzi Camp KNP

We took the eastern vlei route northwards, from before Mopane camp – the road less travelled. Lemme check the map: It’s the Nshawu waterholes route and leads past the Grootvlei dam and Shibavantsengele viewpoint on the Mocambique border. I loved it. Some open plains and vleis for a change from dense Mopane trees and Mopane scrub. Many herds of zebra and wildebees, some waterbuck, a few impala, and a few huge ele bulls…

zebras on the grassy plains

Also Chestnut-backed Sparrow-lark on the gravel roads and flocks of Wattled Starling (some in full wattle).

chestnut-backed Sparrow-lark
zebra walks past a wattled starling

At Shingwedzi, a Hamerkop, a juvenile Little Sparrowhawk hunting, Green Woodhoopoe, Golden-tailed & Bearded Woodpecker, Red-billed & Yellow-billed Hornbill, Arrow-marked Babbler, and a noisy early morning Hooligan’s Robin (actually White-browed Robin-chat),

little sparrowhawk juvenile
green wood-hoopoe

A Rock Monitor Lizard came to visit Jess at the chalet. She told it to footsack in ruder language than that.

GIF of a monitor lizard near Jessie
yellow flower shingwedzi
blue flower shingwedzi

Rescued! After eight days of blissful peace I started worrying. I remembered the long spanner I need to free my spare wheel from under the bakkie is in the camper in Pretoria. A flat would leave me stranded. I approached a sensible fellow Ford Ranger driver who is headed out on a wilderness walk tomorrow and he rescued me in a jiffy. Now I have a dusty spare wheel inside the cab where I can get to it, the nuisance of its bulk almost guaranteeing I won’t have a flat.

Jessie followed the route of all (OK, this) weevil, calling me across to photograph it. She then bravely also took pics with my camera’s super-macro. In my pic you may notice the bugs eyes are wider cos there was a lot of wheezing in getting down on my knees.

A pair of Bennett’s Woodpeckers foraged right outside our chalet.

bennet's woodpeckers on the ground
Bennet's woodpeckers on the ground 2

That’s it. After ten lovely nights in Kruger we’re on our way home.

~~oo0oo~~

Olifants Camp KNP

We followed the right bank of the Letaba south-eastwards towards Olifants camp, driving with the flow then hit the left bank of the Olifants, flowing even browner and more strongly. Now we’re driving against the flow, the confluence of these great Lowveld rivers somewhere behind us.

Four ‘Thunderbirds’ crossed the road (Ground Hornbill), three of them flying up into trees; new antelope seen: Kudu and Nyala.

Twenty five eles came down to drink below me as I drank coffee at the Olifants camp restaurant while Jess had a nap in our chalet. Five wandered back into the bush while the big Ma led the others, including smallies, across the wide and swiftly flowing Olifants river. Lovely to watch the crossing. Every now and then a little one would disappear underwater and the rest would wait till they found their footing and emerged again, trunk held high.

Tracking & Signs of the Wild

Signs of carnage on our stoep! A kill? Looks like a big eagle caught an old grey and white goat and plucked out all it’s fur.

Oh, hang on, cancel that. I just remembered Jess gave me a haircut. She cuts the parts I can’t see. Back there. Behind me.

~~oo0oo~~

White-bellied Sunbird, Paradise Flycatcher, African Firefinch, Kurrichane Thrush, Bataleur, Marabou & Saddle-Billed Storks, Fish Eagle, Wahlbergs Eagle, Goliath Heron, House Sparrow, Brown-crowned Tchagra,

Yellow-bellied Sand Snake spotted by Jess in camp.

Letaba Camp KNP

We’re back in the Kruger Park as we wait for our camper to be de-rusted. Staying in chalets, to Jessie’s delight.

Late afternoon view across the Letaba from the restaurant stoep.

Restaurant Scops owlet – right above one of the outdoor tables.

Four kingfishers. Here’s the Woodland:

The Letaba eles and squirrels and monkeys were all well-behaved. The daughter not so much when I said Hey, Smile! in the elephant museum.

Lots of tree squirrels in camp. One darting across my path looked different. Turned out to be a Dwarf Mongoose living under the spreading root mass of a palm tree.

Owls: Verreaux’s Eagle, Barred, Pearl-spotted, Scops. Doves: Red-eyed, Mourning, Laughing, Ring-necked, Green Pigeon. Kingfishers: Grey-headed, Woodlands, Pied, Brown-hooded. Storks: Openbill, Marabou, Saddle-Bill. Barbets: Crested, Black-collared. Herons: Grey, Goliath, Striated.

Grey-headed Bush-shrike, Retz’s Helmet-shrike, Puffback, Yellow-breasted Apalis, Green-backed Camaroptera, Grey-headed Sparrow, FT Drongo, Water Thick-knee, Natal Spurfowl, Egyptian Goose, Blacksmith Lapwing, Lilac-breasted Roller, White-fronted Bee-eater, Fish Eagle, White-faced Whistling Duck, Palm Swift, African Oriole, Grey Go-away Bird, Yellow-billed Oxpecker, Violet-eared Waxbill, Indian Myna, Ground Hornbill,

Then the peace was disturbed by a flurry of phone calls where we could barely hear each other and a stream of messages I couldn’t reply to. Very poor comms. All were accusing me of getting older on April Fools Day, some using rude language like ‘septuagenerian’ is there even such a thing? Time to move camp…

~~oo0oo~~

KNP – Kruger National Park

A Flying Visit

Zeens has been and gone. She arrived Saturday, we fetched her at the Richards Bay airport and then raided Woolies. We’d heard of the big floods in Natal so it seems we feared famine or being stranded in our cottage on stilts, gazing out, trapped like whats’isname on his ark. We shopped as if we were contestants in a game show, filling a trolley with two suppers and a picnic brekker and lunch. Later we ate like barons at a banquet. Good, filling, easy to prepare food. And dessert.

Saturday afternoon we drove around Umlalazi Nature Reserve, and walked to the beach – a short 100m over the dune on a boardwalk.

Then Sunday we drove about two hours – first north, then west at the Mtubatuba turnoff to iMfolosi, as it’s now spelt.

Found our usual breakfast spot, then the big picnic spot on the Black Mfolosi river for a great lunch.

Not much game, as there’s lots of surface water and the grass is high, the bushes and trees thick with beautiful greenery. But the giraffe, zebra, wild beasts, impala, nyala, wartpigs all looking plump n healthy. Five rhino wallowing. No eles till I worked out a plan to lure them out of hiding. ‘Open the Liquorice Allsorts, Jess. Eles can’t resist the sound of the rustling of Allsorts packets.’ Jess rolled her eyes but within a minute of us chewing the sweets she said, ‘There! On that hillside!’  Just like I said, eight eles as we were leaving.

Action shot: A swallow, a butterfly and some rhino.

Our best – and unusual – sighting was a very large herd of vultures on the hoof. Over a hundred I’d guess, on the ground.

We decided it was a VAN – Vultures Annual Necrofest, something like a funeral undertakers convention, like AVBOB. After they’d done caucussing and some lobbying for more lions in the park, they were going to change into their mournful tuxedos for the dinner and ball that evening. Offal on the menu.

On the way out, an oncoming car waved to attract our attention, then pointed up to the sky. There they were, lots of them, wheeling around lazily in the thermals, doing the Nekhbet waltz at the sky ball.

Hat tip to Jess, sitting quietly in the back: We would not have spotted the vultures or the eles, as both were far away, and me n Zena were nattering about the olden daze; but Jessie’s eagle eyes did.

Another big supper, a good night’s sleep, followed by a Jessie breakfast and then we had to take Zeens back to the metropolis of Richards Bay already. She came in on a 30-seater, but as Jess and I left, a short 737 flew in, so I think Zeens left in a bigger plane.

We were lucky with the weather – not too hot for us, tho Z felt the heat and humidity. We stuck her in the aircon’d room so she got good sleeps. And she’s always welcome – she’s kind to Jess!

~~oo0oo~~

What’s That Noise?

Twice I heard it coming from the forest in front of my deck. A deep rough short growl. Some sort of animal. Maybe bushbuck can growl too, not just bark? I thought.

Both times a pedestrian was walking past at the time, so maybe it was humans weirdly clearing their throats?  Dunno. Mystery noise.

Later around sunset, sipping red wine and scanning around with my binocs I spotted a Palm-nut Vulture right on top of a tall Douglas Fir. Yay! I love it when birds sit still. Time to show off my little camera’s zoom.

The Palm-nut Vulture Gypohierax angolensis is a real Mtunzini special and I hadn’t seen one yet in the seven weeks we’ve been here.

Reading about it on my Roberts Bird Guide app, I suddenly realised that strange call I’d heard this afternoon may have been the vulture!
They say, “Call: Deep grah, ahrrrrr call, also grog-grog-grog notes,” so probably.

Told Jess about the bird, showed her the pics and described it’s call. Bladdy terrible child said:
Ah, like you when you’re clearing your throat.

No supper for her. Oh wait, she’s cooking tonight . .

~~oo0oo~~

Proper Order Restored

After two years and nine months of sad stoeplessness, order has at last been restored. I have a stoep, a LaZboy, my coffee and my binoculars in place again as they should be.

Aaah

~~oo0oo~~

stoep – porch, patio, deck, veranda

And: My coffee got an upgrade – and a Narina Trogon is hooting as I sip n scribble.

And now a Bronze Caco is going creep and a Bush Squeaker is going sweep. Paradise.

And now even guest beds! OK, now it’s getting a bit worrying ..

Nearly three weeks on my stoep and here’s the birdlist:

Eastern Golden Weaver, Dark-backed Weaver, White-eared Barbet, Dark-capped Bulbul, Hadeda, Hamerkop, Yellow-rumped Tinker, Palm Swift, European Bee-eater, Puffback, Red-eyed Dove, Yellow-bellied Greenbul, Redcapped Robin-chat, Purple-crested Turaco, Purple-banded (or Marico) Sunbird, Olive Sunbird, Emerald Cuckoo, Klaas’ Cuckoo, Trumpeter Hornbill, Gorgeous Bush-shrike, Narina Trogon, Yellow-billed Kite, Burchell’s Coucal, Golden-tailed Woodpecker, Woolly-necked Stork, Sombre Greenbul, Amethyst Sunbird, Bronze Mannikin, Green-backed Camaroptera, Crowned Eagle, Speckled Mousebird, Southern Boubou, Red-backed Mannikin, Tambourine Dove, Green Malkoha, Diederik Cuckoo, Spectacled Weaver, Crested Barbet, Violet-backed Starling, Black-bellied Starling, African Goshawk, Scaly-throated Honeyguide, Lesser Honeyguide, White-faced Owl?, Black-collared Barbet, Cape White-eye, [Scaly-throat HG being fed by GT Woodpeck!], Fiery-necked Night jar, Scarlet-chested Sunbird, Wood Owl, Grey Waxbill, Collared Sunbird, African Fish Eagle, White-faced Whistling Duck, Brown-hooded Kingfisher, Palm Nut Vulture, Crested Barbet (heard), Lipstick (don’t call me common) Waxbill, Yellow-streaked Greenbul,

At the lagoon: Common Ringed Plover

Now we can explore

Mtunzini

Mtunzini, Zululand, KZN North Coast. A new chapter begins after eighteen months in the metropolis of Mtwalume, KZN South Coast.

We’ve had a very friendly welcome, a common refrain being, ‘Watch, Now You’re Here You’ll Never Leave.’

Also my landlord must have spoken to Brooose, my previous landlord. He said, Now that I’ve met you I’ll send a gardener once a week to mow the lawn, as I can see it’s not your thing. How else could he have worked that secret out?

First day’s birds:

Eastern Golden Weaver, Dark-backed Weaver, White-eared Barbet, Hadeda, Hamerkop, Yellow-rumped Tinker, Palm Swift, European Bee-eater, Puffback, Red-eyed Dove, Yellow-bellied Greenbul, Redcapped Robin-chat, Purple-crested Turaco, Purple-banded (or Marico)  Sunbird, Olive Sunbird, Emerald Cuckoo, Klaas Cuckoo, Trumpeter Hornbill, Gorgeous Bush-shrike, Narina Trogon, Yellow-billed Kite, Burchell’s Coucal, Golden-tailed Woodpecker, Woolly-necked Stork.

Jess was surprised that unfurnished meant zero furniture, but I said, ‘We Have Plenty Jess’ and unpacked our fine aluminium folding camping table, two comfortable camping chairs and the mattress from the camper. Manie took a good look at that and offered to return the furniture he’d just schlepped off  to store in his garden cottage after his last tenant left. Another bonus!  These are kind people.

Meantime Willie had almost beaten us back home to deliver the fridge and microwave from his second-hand store.

In Feb I spotted at last what I’d been hearing regularly from my stoep – A Yellow-streaked Greenbul, coastal forest special.

~~oo0oo~~

Kosi Bay Again

Twenty years on, we’re here again. Me and Jess. Thanks to her, we have actually booked ahead and are staying in a comfortable chalet at Kosi Bay Lodge. She loves it, there’s DSTV and good phone signal. Also a restaurant that makes great food.  Really tasty grub. Oh, and some nature outside. You go, Dad.

It’s too windy for boat trips on the lakes, so I walk the grounds and drive around the area – Ezemvelo’s Kosi Bay camp. Utshwayelo Kosi Mouth Lodge – while Jess just chills. Good birding, including one I seldom see, an Eastern Nicator. My pictures were just shadowy blobs, so here’s one from a good camera:

Note: All the camps are quite far from the beaches, and as the only one that is actually on the lakeshore, Ezemvelo’s Kosi Bay Camp is, for my money, by far the best option.

~~oo0oo~~

Last we were here we camped at the Ezemvelo Camp, and Jess was young enough to enjoy the swing I rigged up using an umbrella pole and tie-down straps.

Out on the lakes in 2003 – Greg Bennett loaned us his rubber dinghy and Yamaha.

Matters Tonsorial

Oops! Sorry Daddy!
Huh? I started awake. What, Jess?
I cut one part way too short.
Oh, doesn’t matter, love.
Were you sleeping?
I did nod off.
Sorry Dad.
Really love, I’m just happy you’re giving me a haircut. You can see how relaxed I am.

After:
Jess you’d better sweep up here, my girl. It looks like an eagle caught a goat and pecked out all its fur on the stoep.

(*hoses herself* *fetches broom*) Okay Daddy. Can I have a picture of your haircut for my profile?

~~oo0oo~~

(Sure dear. And that’s the picture above)

Airbag Sunrise

Earliest start and fastest drive to get the ole Ranger to Ford Bluff to fix my airbags. Jess missed the sun rising, my car was going so fast, but later she caught the sun once it was above the horizon.

My Takata airbags are part of the largest and most complex safety recall ever. Installed mostly from 2002 to 2015, some of these airbags could deploy explosively, injuring and even killing lil old me and Jess. Sixty seven million airbags have been recalled, proving false certain people’s nasty allegations that I’m the only airbag in my Ford. 

My first recall was two years ago and I had it done (I thought) at Harrismith Ford. Been happily driving it ever since. Not as fast as today, tis true. Last week I got another recall alert, and this time it came with a Do Not Drive advisory. Which is why I was driving so fast to have it fixed. This is urgent.

The reminder last week and its warning caused me to think, I Wonder If The Fix Was Actually Done? I phoned Harrismith Ford and asked them to send me proof that it had been done. What they sent me in writing was, Oops! Actually, It Wasn’t Done! Full confession: This thought has been niggling in the back of my large cranium for the whole two years, but I’m quite good at procrastination and kicking for touch, even though I played my rugby in an honest position, not halfback.

Now I await Ford’s verdict with trepidation, as they keep saying they’re not going to replace my airbags until they’ve ‘checked them.’ I made them assure me they have them in stock so I can drive the car today. They assured me they do have them in stock, but . . ‘First we must check.’

Okay. I’m having breakfast and multiple coffees across the road while I wait.

Update: Great service. Done and dusted by 9am! Just look how great my bakkie looks with it’s new airbag detonators:

– like a makeover –
– old detonator – obviously faulty: it’s barcode says BAM – also HERST, short for ‘herstel,’ meaning ‘fix’ –

The Nerve!

A cry from upstairs: “Wash your hands and put gloves on, you bloody cow!”

Jess must be surfing the net. Is someone doing something wrong on the internet, Jess? I shout from downstairs, hosing myself.

“Yes! This person . . ” long explanation of what they did and what they should have done.

Right, Jess. (I don’t repeat my advice of, It’s clickbait Jess; Rather just avoid sites that trigger you).

Winter Wetland Birding

Jess and I are snugly ensconced in the old Wakkerstroom Hotel, established for our comfort in 1869. We’re ‘camping’  and eating comfort food and (me) drinking Old Brown Sherry. Jess has stayed indoors in front of a cheerful fire all day. Well-ensconced, the lazy bum. I ventured out to the winter wetland for some interesting birding. Here are my usual amateur pics – some feathers were too fast for me as usual, but I did get these.

The first three all have ‘African’ in their name: Rail, Swamphen and Snipe. The little one is a Stonechat.

Here’s my clearest pic – another African Snipe. He froze and waited politely while I focused. Check the deep orange / russet on his tail.

Ducks – Southern Pochard, Shelduck, Yellowbilled Duck, Red-billed Teal, Hottentot Teal, Egyptian Goose, Cape Shoveler; Herons – Purple and Black-headed; Cattle Egret; African Snipe, African Rail, African Swamphen, Black Crake, Little Grebe, Moorhen, Cape Wagtail, Hadeda, Sacred Ibis, Helmeted Guineafowl, Pied Kingfisher, Blacksmith Lapwing, Bokmakierie, Fiscal Shrike, Reed Cormorant, Black-winged Kite, Stonechat.

Cherry on top as the light started fading over the wetland open water:

Three otters appeared and started baljaar‘ing in the smooth water, creating beautiful ripples and wakes in the sunset-coloured water.

baljaar – frolic

I forgot to include Jess and the hotel! Here they are, waiting for breakfast to be served. That’s the menu on the wall; they should add a chicken to represent the eggs.

Nocturnal Noises

Plaf Plaf Plaf Plaf Plaf (growing louder) *Huff Puff Huff* Plaf Plaf Plaf Plaf ( fading away)
Ermigawd I’m back in the Kruger Park.

The Kruger’s most abundant dangerous mammal is jogging round n round, earphones on, carrying a bottle of ‘pure’ water trucked in from hundreds of miles away, belching diesel fumes.

And again. And again. Eight laps at least, three joggers, running separately. All seem to be wearing Adidas three sizes too big, judging by the hollowness of the Plaf. Then peace descends. They’re finished. Or, Deo Volente, been eaten by a lion.

We’re camping in Letaba camp. Now the evening sounds can begin. I’m waiting for a Pearl-spotted Owlet, but nope, first to call is the Barred, then later the Scops owls.
Hyenas whoop; Hippos guffaw and snigger at their own dirty jokes; fart jokes, I bet. A Bushbaby cries, followed by a loud bellow. An Ele? No, more bovine. A Buffalo?

Must remember the rule though: For any mystery noise in a game reserve, always suspect Homo sapiens, so I can’t rule out a happy camper’s bowels being the source.

Then a Spotted Eagle Owl; Then – quieter and much nearer – another hyena? I roll onto my back to free both ears so I can listen in stereo.

Nope, just Jess having a mild little argument in her sleep, half sleep-talking. Sleep-mumbling.

~~oo0oo~~

The next night the same sounds, plus a lion’s roar. When it gets light I go for a walk along the Letaba river boundary of the camp. Lazybones Jess grunts ‘No’ and rolls up tighter under her duvet, so she misses out on seeing a distant pride of lionesses and cubs on the flood plain.

Undercover Operation

The lost puppy escaped an orchidectomy, anyway not having any external ‘orchids’ to harvest. Tiggers, the rescued kitty cat is unlikely to escape the ordeal. He’s heading off to MAWS animal wescue, and I don’t think he’s read the details of the invitation, poor fella.

The two heartless ladies are taking him. I was invited, but no ways I’m risking the vets getting confused as to which male needs doctoring.

~~oo0oo~~

Tigger is back. The deed was done by the voluntary vet at MAWS, and he survived the ordeal. He’s not happy, he’s resting and recovering, subdued.

One day later, and he’s almost back to his old self, full of energy and mischief, pouncing on anything that moves, including Jess, who he has forgiven, gullible cat.

~~oo0oo~~

Foreign Knowledge

Locals know there’s no easy way to the main road from the river outside Janet’s place. Okes from Durban know better, so they venture off looking for a shortcut. Which ends up needing rescue, a towrope, mocking laughter, eye-rolling and getting to the tyre place an hour later than planned. Luckily, Janet’s old Mazda BT – a stablemate of my Ford Ranger and about the same vintage – is 4X4. All it needs is GPS, but despite the well-known Humphrey navigational challenges (Trish could get lost too), Janet did eventually find and rescue me. Easily. Damn. Ignominy.

At SupaQuik, Reggie and his men say they can fix me up with their eyes closed and one hand tied behind their back. All we have to do is bugger off to the Dusty Donkey for coffee and cake, and come back with a credit card.

– Dusty Donkey chook & chicks-

As we’re leaving the Donkey a roadside trader waves and makes a rolling motion while pointing at Janet’s left front wheel. Puncture. We hop out and deploy the jack and spanner and wooden base for the sand and start expertly changing the tyre like a Ferrari pitcrew. Good fortune makes my cap fall off as I bend down. The trader and his mate take one look at the whispy white hair surrounding the large pink bald spot and they gently nudge me aside and change the wheel for us. Ke a leboga borra!

Weg is ons back to Reggie where I exchange 3700 pula for two new tyres and we’re free to go, driving off feeling like I’m wearing brand new shoes.

~~oo0oo~~

Ke a leboga borra! – thank you gentlemen!

Weg is ons – beetle off

Feature pic – re-enactment of the humiliation. Jess forgot to take pics; she’s not cruel like her Ma