Category Archives: Family & Kids

Softie

I’m off on a four-day weekend to Ndumo, abandoning the kids. Charles and Barbara Mason have very kindly invited me on their regular annual trip.

Leaving for school today, Tom spots we’re alone, no-one in earshot.

Gives me a big hug, leans his head against my chest, “I’m going to miss you Daddy. Don’t get hurt.”

Then he looks me in the eye with a grin, “Don’t get drunk, don’t get high, don’t get the munchies” he says and saunters off to school.

Ndumo was great. Dry but lots of birds around camp and the pans walks beautiful as always.

20150817_064220

Special sights:  Skeins of gyppos and spurwing overhead; A thermal of pelicans soaring; Retz’s & white helmetshrikes, nicators, tinkers, honeyguides and honeybirds, a trogon, robins, apalii, ‘peckers, spoonbills wading, glossy ibis, lots of others.

A glimpse of a suni in the sand forest was special too. Lots of crocs, heard the hippos but didn’t see them.

There are seven huts at Ndumo and there were 14 people plus me, so friends Charles and Chris moved an extra bed into their bungalow, shipped their wives off to the next door chalet and there I was, the newly-minted pensioner among the established pensioners. And probly the best-behaved. This lot had known each other for far too long and were teenagers all over again. Dermott Beck from Bergville in the 50’s knew the Reitz’s and had been operated on under chloroform by Dr Frank Reitz in Harrismith – as had I some 12yrs later!

Luckily a lone lady camping in a pup tent on her way to Mocambique joined us – making me only the second-youngest in camp.

~~~oo0oo~~~

Pre-launch instructions

We are able to do

I finally managed to contact Ndumu main office on 035 591 0058 and spoke to Bongani as Mr Chris was off.

Also cell numbers (never answered!!!) 072 672 8508 and 082 799 1491

Bongani suggests that we bring our own water 5 – 10 litres per person / couple as they do not always have enough for sale – we are able to boil water for drinking if supplies run out.

We are able to do a Pongola bird walk, a pan walk to Shokwe or Njamithi, the rhino walk area has been very dry but depending on the rain situation we may be able to walk there.

Take comfortable shoes, hats, water bottle, sweets, binoculars, camera, bird, tree or flower books, reading matter

Cost of Landrover trip: R240

Cost of walks R120

Cost of trip in own vehicle with game guard +- ????

In the past we’ve tried to do at least an early morning and an evening game drive during our stay, but it is optional (usually one a day) or however many you wish to.

Enjoyable to do a walk a day.

It is also lovely to just sit in the camp and watch the birds.

Please bring your OWN TORCHES

Can stop at an Ultracity / or Mkuze for lunch if you wish on the Friday

The previous times we’ve been at Ndumu we worked in pairs overseeing the catering etc per day which enables us all to have ‘time out’.

We used to buy the food for everyone and costs were shared – but the past two times we allocated meals to the 4 people overseeing the catering per day and we all took different items. It worked well as we each have a fridge in our unit to store food.

There is a cook and washer up who are quite adequate – Jabulani and Ginger. If you prefer you could do some pre-cooking at home and the cook could do the rice / potatoes / vegetables / salad or whatever.

Those on duty need to give the cooks the meat / vegetable etc before we go off for walk or landrover trips in the afternoon. They need to be requested to make a fire on the ‘braai night’

Whoever is providing the dinner for the evening also provides the serviettes, dessert or chocolates and candles if so desired.

Lunches – simple – suggest either cold meat or tuna mayo / salad / rolls / cheese or whatever (can use ‘heat and eat’ breadrolls or ciabatta)

THANKS FOR PAYMENT RECEIVED AGES AGO

For 1 chalet for 2 people: Fri and Sat night R700 per night x 2 nights = R1400

Ditto Sun and Mon nights R560 per night x 2 nights = R1120

Total = R2520

ie per person for the 4 nights R1260 or per couple R2520

The cheaper 2 nights are with pensioners discount.

Not sure if anyone has arranged to go to Tembe Elephant Park after Ndumu or for a game drive whilst we are at Ndumu – distance from Ndumu probably 35 minutes travelling

Tel: 039 – 9732534 0826 512 868

Spoke to Claudette (Westville) 031 – 2670144 who does the accommodation bookings.

Info R35 per vehicle R30 per person if in 4 x 4 able to do a ‘self drive’ otherwise to book at least 24 hours before with Claudette –

Cost R800 for landrover / for 8 – 10 persons and R100 per person – would be met at the gate. Drive 11am – 2pm

HAVE A LOOK AT TEMBE WEBCAM OR ZULCAM ON THE INTERNET – BEST TIME BETWEEN 11AM AND 3PM WHEN THE ELEPHANTS ARE AT THE WATER HOLE.

Please – none of the above is cast in stone and we are all flexible and open to any other suggestions.

Many thanks,

Chris

Certainty

Nice when you know things for sure. More and more becomes grey in my life, less and less is black-and-white.

Not quite 50 shades yet, but a few shades of grey. Certainly not even blackish-and-whiteish.

But not so in TomTom’s 13yr-old world. Things are certain.

Like: Women don’t cut men’s hair.

What do I mean? It’s a known fact that only men cut men’s hair. Women wouldn’t know how to and anyway they don’t know the latest styles. Which is what we need. Obvious. I had taken him to a lady who advertised that she did same in Westville. That would have been handy. But when we got there, mutter mutter, her side-kick, manning the store in her absence said “We don’t cut hair,” as she fiddled with a lady’s hair, rubbing some gunk into it. All heads in the store had swivelled round to see what this mlungu was doing there! I’m sure some braids were done crooked that day.

Tom marched out smartly with a look that said “SEE!?”

So Sunday I load up Tom and his mate Jose and take them to town. Drop them off at Warwick Triangle to cut their hair and catch a taxi home. Managed to horrify them by suggesting that I join them. You’ll look SO out of place says Tom. No thank you sir, says Jose.

Must say they look neat kif swell cool whatever word is acceptable today (all those will be wrong).

He won’t even let me cut his hair anymore. He used to:

Two haircuts snapped when halfway done.

~~~oo0oo~~~

A 1928 Chevy and a 1922 Swanie

The one is still fully original:

Tarr Roses 14 (20)

The other has had various titanium and plastic parts fitted, and electronic, leather and wooden accessories attached*.

Tarr Roses 14 (24)

Both were seen at LindiLou’s Tarr Roses Open Day.

.

*Titanium knee, plastic knee, titanium specs, plastic spec lenses, plastic lens implants, electronic hearing aids, Omega watch, leather hat & shoes, wooden walking stick.

Happy Wanderers. Again. Like Boy Scouts.

Happy Wanderers.jpg

This time in winter. Tom loved it. Caught many small blacktail, karanteen, bronze bream, one shad and stayed on the rocks for hours. I had to fetch him and march him to the showers threatening not to feed him till he smelt civilised.

Jess and friend Jordi lay in their tent and watched videos. Could just as well have been at home. Then she asked to go home a day early, after four nights instead of five. Tom said fine so we got home today instead of tomorrow. Suits me.

When we got there Monday I found I had only forgotten the tent poles, the flysheet, the groundsheet, the kettle and the food, but otherwise we were Be Prepared. Like Boy Scouts. .

So we ate at the restaurant, the girls slept in the back of the bakkie, Tom slept on the front seat and I slept under the stars. It rained, but I was warm despite my ear filling up. Tuesday I went home and fetched the above-mentioned – easy when you’re holidaying only an hour south of home comforts. We were snug as bugs thereafter. Beep repaired.
~o0o~
Steve:

Get the kids to put together a check list for next camping trip while the discomfort is still fresh in their memories…. Tape it to the inside of the bakkie. And put them in charge of “equipment”
Yeah right, Just joking. my two would just roll their eyes…
(They both arrived last night on a flight from Auckland)

Ending the trip a day earlier – sounds familiar. I think it happens when the home comforts beckon.
Specially that new bathroom.

~o0o~

Kathy:
Thats so funny ! We forgot our tentpoles too once and had to crash on some poor chalets carpet as it was 4 hours from home . All five of us . very embarressing . But you beat me here ! Nice fishing Tom , Leo would be so jealous . Those two must fish together one day . And you know , kids, there is dad – killing himself and sleeping in the rain and they wanna watch videos and go home early . I can picture mine saying that too . I’d force them all to stay and we’d pull faces at each other for 2 days . You’re much wiser . We had this grim holiday in Port Alfred once where it rained nonstop and was freezing . J got flu and depression and stayed in bed . I tortured the kids for a week until J persuaded me to give up and go home . He drove back so fast and only stopped once for a sandwich – no peeing allowed . You win some , you lose some .

~o0o~

Scarface

Dad open up its urgent! Midnight at home, a bang on the front door.

Lots of blood all over him. He’s bleeding from a deep cut on his lower eyelid and a nick in the lid margin. My handsome boy is now handsome and, uh, interesting.

‘I fell against the metal deep freeze drawers.’ Damn! I’d meant to put those drawers back in the deep freeze. He and a mate were sleeping in the cottage on a Saturday night.

I staunch the bleeding and disinfect with gargle. It’s all I can find, we’ve re-arranged the house in the middle of renovations. Go to bed now, fella. Luckily only him injured, so I don’t have to please explain to any Moms of other 13yr-old boys.

Next morning I phone the ophthalmic surgeon on call. On the way to his rooms at Parklands hospital I say, “OK level with me: What happened?” I had seen shards of glass and found a broken bottle hidden behind the bed.

Two boys. A champagne bottle. ‘We couldn’t get the cork off.’ A tussle. ‘The wet bottle was slippery. We dropped it. It exploded.’

The eye man checks Tom and pronounces him OK. No stitch needed. Lucky lil bastids.

That was Sunday. On Monday his mates nicknamed him Scarface.

~~~oo0oo~~~

Going Incognito

Tom is wearing two name badges on his tie this morning.
Where’d you get them, my boy?

Found them on the field and outside a class.
Where’s your badge?
Dunno, but I can wear this nigger’s name, he says, pointing at Phila Zulu’s badge.
No way I can wear this one, he says, Who would believe I’m Josh McDougall?

Asks Thomas Swanepoel.

High School (2)

And – predictably – he got into trouble for wearing the wrong name badge.

*exasperation*

I’ll be Wafting

I used to have a simple beauty regimen:
For my face I would use Palmolive soap; For my body I would use Palmolive soap; For my wisp of hair I would use Palmolive soap; For my feet I would use Palmolive soap; Not to be too vain, but it worked for me, knowaddimean? I mean a quick glance will tell you:

Mkhuze Apr'14 (47)

Today was different. There was no Palmolive soap in the shower so instead I chose – from the vast array of expensive stuff that now fills the shower we’re all sharing while new bathrooms are being made –

Danger Time shower gel.

I came out smelling, so the blurb tells me, of

The Scent of Courage.

As the Axe ad said: A Step Up, Eksê! Watch out, damsels.

~~oo0oo~~

A Brand New Genre

Suddenly the music isn’t shouting out loud, telling me what to f*ckin’ do any more. I notice we haven’t heard I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUCHOO! for a while.

On enquiring discreetly as to what occasioned the more pleasant sounds emanating from the boombox I’m informed by the 13yr-old that gangsta rap is SO history in his life. Over. Didn’t I know he has LONG been into “Deep House”? Silly me, I didn’t, but I’m very glad to take note and enjoy the more tuneful era we’re into now.

Still, I think I’m gonna miss the measured last line of that Big Sean ‘song’.

I. . DON’T. . GIVE. . A. . FUCKABOUCHOO.

—————-

Big-Sean

“I Don’t F**k With You” by Detroit rapper Big Sean.

You hadn’t heard it? Where you been?!

That Institution

As we were going to have a small wedding out in the sticks, we held a Pre-Nuptial-Party at Kingfisher Canoe Club back in 1988 to celebrate with friends who couldn’t make it or who hadn’t cracked the nod. Who to invite and who to discreetly ignore is one of the things that makes the lead-up to tying the knot vrot with danger as anyone who has gone singing to the gallows well knows.

I was reminded yesterday about that happy gathering by Barbara Mason, who I only occasionally see as she lives a normal and sane life, parallel to the madcap canoeing world that links me to her hubby Charles (him a legendary paddler, me a used-to-be wannabe).

She told me she quotes from my speech of that night to this day. I had forgotten that I’d even spoken, but she assures me I spake thus:

“Aitch and I gave careful consideration to the pros and cons of getting married, but we decided to go ahead and get married anyway.”

Pre-Nuptial Party_crop

(Check the invite! Remember typewriters?)

Well, Are You?

Jess made a confession today.

When she got to Wendon she was eleven. In her class was Michael Z. He has a fulltime au pair who accompanies him to school and sits in all their classes. Mrs Tracy S soon became a firm favourite of the girls. They now call her Mrs S after a firm lecture was given to them about not thinking she’s their classmate.

But at the time they called her Tracy and Jess lurved her! (still does). One day after break in which the girls had been discussing a matter of some importance to them, 11yr-old Jess plucked up the courage to ask 32yr-old Mrs S – who had been in the staffroom at break – an important question:

Tracy, she asked, Are YOU going to smoke when you’re older?

Jessie, Gareth, Tracy and tarryn
– Jessie, Gareth, Tracy –

The Urgent Impatience of Youth

. . and the Wilful Slackness of Old Toppies.

Soon after 16:44 yesterday Tom found me in Sportsman’s Warehouse.
“Dad! Why do you wait so long before you answer me? I whatsapp you and then you take AGES before you respond!”
Oh! How long about, TomTom?
“Hours! Or maybe ten minutes or more.”

Let’s check, shall we?

I show him the time sequence below: Three minutes total.

In his defence:
1- he was wanting me to check out a new speaker for his Rap Noise and it was really important and urgent – and he suspected I was going to say No! And he NEEDED it because today they’re travelling in the bus to play KES in Joburg!
2- he did look sheepish when he realised the enormous delays were in his head!

Impatience2 crop

Recent Hella Hella History – Including a Wedding

My potted history of the two farms on opposite banks of the Umkomaas below the Hella Hella:
About fifty years ago when The Beatles were still The Quarrymen, a Pom family Wimbury hopped on to the mail ship in Pomerania to boldly go forth and do work in the colonies for the Great White Queen.
On board that ship was an 18yr old nubile South African on her way back from a gap year before they were called gap years, in Europe. Especially Italy where she learned some Italian, some Italian cooking, and did you know Lyn had a magnificent opera singing voice?
The Pom family and the Seffrican lass hit it off on board ship and soon the Wimbury family of England met the Payn family of Hella Hella on the banks of the mighty Mkomazi.
Hella Hella 2016 (5).jpg
– the Payn homestead at Hella Hella –

Meantime elsewhere a Jo’burg architect called Porter was making a good living and buying farms as a hobby. One of them became the Harold Porter Nature Reserve in Betty’s Bay. He sent his son Barry off to PMB varsity to get a BSc agric and then bought him a farm on the right bank of the Mkomazi opposite the Payns. This magnificent 5000 acre farm had the imposing Hella Hella mountain on it.

They called it Game Valley Estates and stocked it with nyala, impala, zebra, wildebeest and blesbok to add to the bushbuck, duiker, warthog, reedbuck and oribi that were there. That was the only time they ever stocked it. ca 1970.

Well, Barry had a Landrover cabriolet and wore short pants and long socks, and Lyn wore dresses so it was inevitable. They spotted each other across the mighty Mkomazi, their eyes locked and the two families were united in a river dynasty, solving the problem of parts of Barry’s farm being cut off from him and him having to traverse the Payn land to get to ‘Ottos.’

Hella Hella 2016 (15)
– ‘Otto’s’ homestead nowadays –

Except not really, as Barry and the Payn parents had quite a prickly relationship, kinda like porcupines meeting and sniffing but not embracing. So the farms were never united, Barry would grumble about how they didn’t appreciate the value of game fencing; when Mrs Payn put the farm up for sale and Barry could have negotiated they never got round to discussing a price and Trevor English bought it for a good price and Barry STILL had the prickly feeling of having to traverse someone else’s land to get to the other half of his farm! And English didn’t appreciate the value of game fencing.

Barry the bachelor stayed at Otto’s, so his and Lyn’s eyes actually probly locked while he drove his Landie across their lawn, not trans-river. Once they got wedlocked they moved up to Highover.

Barry & Lyn's old Highover homestead from 1974 (Warren was a 1yr old!)
– Barry & Lynne’s old Highover homestead from 1974 (Warren was a 1yr old!) –

Where they had a little porcupine – rescued when a Ford F150 did a caesarian section on its Mom at 65mph. It used to scurry around in the walls of their house between the corrugated iron and the rhino board inner walls. They also had Warren there. We bumped into him by chance visiting Hella Hella a couple years ago, and together we checked out the ruins of the house up on Highover where he was born forty years prior.

Later Barry and Lyn built a lovely new home at the foot of the Hella Hella, and the little Wimbury baby girl was growing shapelier and shapelier and she went nursing at Addington where the Weermag had sentenced a newly-knighted luitenant in the Medical Corps to hard labour: “You arre herreby sentenced to live in Doctorrs’ Quarrterrs and test eyeballs, including those of the 600 nurses ensconced in the Addington Nurses Res”.

What could I do? I obeyed. One of them was called Richenda Wimbury and she said you must come with me to a farm called Hella Hella. I took a peek at her legs and said OK. And so I met Lyn and Barry. It was 1980.

Me, Barry, McDuff, Richenda, Warren and Lynne at Hella Hella
– Me, Barry, McDuff, Richenda, Warren and Lynne at Hella Hella –

Later Richenda did audiology and moved to Wentworth hospital where she met a cardiovascular perfusionist called Trish Humphrey in 1985, arranged a Sunday braai and introduced her new friend to me and my friend Bernie the Jet. That was Aitch and the rest of that part of this tale was history.

Barry now had two young girlfriends, and this latest one would botanise with him! They would spend hours with their bums in the air and their noses in the grass. He wrote a love letter to his Botanising Buddy:

Dear Trish ,
In memory of past pleasant hours spent botanising on Game Valley ;  and in appreciation of your enthusiastic company and assistance on numerous trips up to Highover .
I hope you enjoy the CD ROM , it’s unfortunate that my scanner can’t scan 35mm slides , I have a far larger collection of slides and many are of better quality than the photos used in this presentation .
Just enjoy ! Some of the identifications may be a little off the mark so don’t let that worry you .
Love , Barry
Porters Hella Hella (1)
– Aitch – Beaming Barry – Richenda –

See here for more.

In 1988 Aitch and I got married at Hella Hella. We had been frequent guests and would continue to visit often for years to come. The farm meantime had been declared a Natural Heritage site. It was going to be the first marriage on the farm, but a Pee Aitch (professional hunter) and his chick got excited one night around the braai fire and suddenly got married. Technically, you could call theirs a shotgun marriage, right?

Here you can see their Natural Heritage Site plaque and certificate on the wall behind the bride-to-be:

. . and you make sure he knows who's . .
– Ma Iona teaching Aitch how to sort a husband out –

KCC mate Andre Hawarden made our wedding invites, complete with named rapids on the Dusi, Umgeni and Umko in case any guest wanted a quick paddle on the way!

Invite by Andre Hawarden (see how he has Duzi, Umngeni & Umko rapids named)
Hella Hella. Game Valley Estates. Lyn & Barry Porter our hosts
– that imposing Hella Hella behind us –

We started raising kids around 1998 and that led to less visits. Later Barry & Lyn sold the farm to a consortium who finally united the two Hella Hella farms into one logical unit, doing what I wished Barry could have done decades earlier. Of course it’s always easy with someone else’s money! Oscar Wilde said “Advice is wonderful stuff – in the giving.”

They bought a lovely unit in a complex in Umzumbe on the KZN South Coast, and Barry hit the trail, traveling far and wide on birding trips. Their son Warren was selling big trucks nearby; Barry’s brother’s Litchi Farm was close – outside Port Shepstone; McDuff, the younger son did heavy duty diving (oil rigs n stuff) all over the world; Lyn got busily involved in the local ‘Akward Society’ as we joked – orchids – and other affairs. Barry kept busy with birding, atlassing and other avian pursuits and committees. 

After Aitch’s first chemo in 2007 we went to Hella Hella for the first time since those days, staying in the lovely new cottages next to The Approaches. We woke up one morning and there was a big furry creature on Aitch’s pillow. It was her hair!

Then in 2011 Lyn died of breast cancer, Barry got a leg infection and died, and Aitch died – also breast cancer. February, April and July. Annus horribilis.

Recently a vulture hide in Oribi Gorge was unveiled: Barry would be delighted that it’s not just called “Barry’s Hide”. It’s called

The Barry Porter Memorial Vulture Viewing Hide.

You’ll understand why he would have loved the full formal title when I tell you he made us a tool to dig up plants. It had a handle like a motorbike, footsteps to step on to dig deep and the blade was made of the high-tensile steel of a cultivator blade. A Plant-Digger you might think? No. It had a neat label on it:

Porter’s Powerful Patented Plant-Pincher.

He also made us an intricate bird feeder labeled:

Barry’s Bizarre Balancing Bird Bistro. I found a photo with a bit of the bird bistro in the background behind Kiza Cele holding Jessie in the garden at 7 River Drive Westville. Note the dead branch for photography so you didn’t get artificial metal in your pic; the platform for seed; the various arms had spikes for oranges, cradles for bananas and pawpaws and small holders for suet and nuts. A full-buffet Barry bistro indeed!

River Dr Kiza Jess Bizarre Bird Bistro

 

~~~oo0oo~~~

The Wages of Sin

My Mom is Mary Methodist. She’s 86. Let’s call that 4300 Sundays old. Of those Sundays she’s probably been to church 4299 times, maybe more, cos she was the organist for 100 years and the choir leader and she probly went twice a Sunday quite a few times. I know it felt like I did.

In the week she’d also go to Double-You-Ay meetings (Women’s Auxiliary, the church’s way of keeping women occupied and out of the pulpit).
This morning she phoned me. Says she missed church today cos she woke up at ten to seven for seven o’ clock church.
I said, I hope you rolled over and went back to sleep?
No, she got up and spring-cleaned a bit cos her great-grandaughter Mary-Kate is coming to visit while her grandaughter LindiLou plays hockey.
Oh.

Yesterday, she tells me, they went off to watch the rugby on their neighbours’ TV next door, and when they came back they were on loadshedding. AND the Sharks had lost.
And do I know the electricity didn’t come back on two hours later?! They had to use gas to heat up their meal and it only came on over four hours later. Her friend Winnie’s also went off, but it came back on after just two hours!

Well, I said, maybe SHE went to church.
~~oo0oo~~
Here she is with Aitch a few years ago:
– Mary and Aitch at 16 Ivy Rd PMB –
~~oo0oo~~
Ha! Family secrets! You may think you know them all, but there are always more. See https://vrystaatconfessions.com/2021/07/12/sinner-mary/ – MAYBE . . it was less than 4299?

Coffee with Jess

Breakfast with Jess and her friend Jordi at the Pavilion shopping centre. Tommy’s playing rugby.

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Drinks? Black coffee for me. Jess & Jordi will have hot chocolate. As our waitress Progress buzzes off to place the order Jess exclaims “Oh, wait! Can I change, Daddy?”

Sure love. Hop up and chase Progress (I think that’s good advice in general actually my baby, but I don’t say it. Don’t want her to say Huh?). As she gets up she mutters to Jordi “I want an apple martini”.

Hang on, what Jess? “A martini” she repeats, looks at my face and says “Why? Has it got alcohol in it?”

So we have a chat about what’s in various drinks and agree she can have a martini soon.

I’ve little doubt she’ll say Yuck! (she has just added two spoons of sugar to her hot chocolate).