Reality Checks

Did my five-yearly drivers’ licence renewal today. Its a good thing when you think the last time I did it I was an irresponsible 52yr-old.
In and out in just under an hour, and all the people pretty pleasant or neutral, so no sweat.

Only problem is I only looked at my form after I’d coughed the R250.
They gave me 6/9 vision (AELOHCT – there, I’m 6/6, dammit), and put some old bald bastard with jowels and three chins’ photo on it! He looks like a bloody FreeState farmer.

Still, I’m not going back. I’ll just keep it.

~~~oo0oo~~~

Jaynee J (that’s her top right in the pic holding the cute dog) replied:

LaRaine (that’s her top left in the pic holding the other dog) took me for mine when I was in JHB recently. We needed to be quick, lots to do. “It won’t be busy” she claimed!
Surprise – it wasn’t!

I ignored the ‘senior citizens’ booth and went to the ‘normal’ folk one.
Sat down in front of the testing screen and wondered why he was taking so long to activate the test! Nothing! Nada, nix!

Eventually a flashing light got my attention and then the odd ‘E’.

Failed.

I was given a second chance – failed. And given a form to take to ‘my nearest Spec Savers’ – generic term for ‘place you test your eyes.’

I go up to Laraine. “OK”, she says “I told you it would be quick, now let’s just go and pay and that’s sorted!”
“But I can’t see Lari!!” I wailed!
“What do you mean you can’t see?” – she’s incredulous!
“I failed! We have to go and find a Pete!”

Needless to say there wasn’t a Spec Savers in Lari’s mall – so into a Torga I went. I know. It was hard, but time was of the essence.

Breezed up to the counter – still in a hurry.
“Hi, I just failed my eye test at the licence place and need one done quickly and, by the way – how’s Torga?”

“She died.”

It was one hell of a day!!!!!

~~~oo0oo~~~

Tom’s Next Car

On the way to school this morning he gave me a lecture on the need for us to get a BMW.
I said “Ain’t gonna happen” so he tried for an Audi.
I said “Our kombi is our holiday-on-wheels”. He said it’s like being dropped off in a taxi.

What he really wants is a Jaguar or a Ferrari. Maybe like this one? Sold for R54m this week.

Ferrari R54m

“And where would we fit Jess, Tom?” He thought that was a novel idea, worrying about such trivialities when we were talking serious matters.

Anyway, R54m – pshaw!
This one is R299m:
Ferrari 1962 GTO 250

A classic Ferrari first built for Sir Stirling Moss has sold for a world record £22.7-million (R299-million), making it the most expensive car in the world.

The 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO

The Amazing Transit of Venus

Venus silhouetted against the Sun, seen from our dear planet Earth from different viewpoints in 2012.

Three times exposures on the right, showing the path of Venus tracking across the face of our Sun.
A transit of Venus is one of the rarest and most historically significant planetary alignments. Since the invention of the telescope in 1608, there have been only seven. It did not occur at all during the twentieth century, and when it occurred in 2004 and 2012, not one soul was living who observed the last one in 1882.

It was by studying the 1769 transit that atronomers calculated the distance from Earth to the Sun. For this event, Captain Cook famously sailed the Endeavour to uncharted Tahiti. Mission: Observe the transit.

Anyone interested in the ceaseless, wondrous movements of the planets in our solar system needs to read about Venus crossing the face of the sun, as observed from Earth (excerpts from books by Nick Lomb & David Sellers).
.
In the 18th century, scientists realised that by timing the event from different locations, the transits of 1761 and 1769 could be triangulated and give the distance between Earth and the Sun – “the noblest problem in astronomy,” for it would at last place mankind in the cosmos.
Britain and France, the two superpowers at the time, jockeyed for the glory, dispatching missions to far-flung places.
Among them were British surveyors Charles Mason and Jeremiah Dixon, who were attacked by French warships in 1761 just after they left Plymouth and headed back to port. Discouraged, they wanted to cancel the trip. After receiving a now-legendary letter from the Royal Society, the British scientific academy which was sponsoring them, they ventured straight back out to sea, suitably chastened. To give up would “bring an indelible Scandal upon their Character, and probably end in their Utter Ruin,” the letter said stonily. Or, Get your asses the hell out there, girlfriends, in 21st century jargon.

Drama was also in store for the 1769 transit, when Britain sent James Cook to Tahiti to view the event from there.
After his mission, Cook opened the instructions for the secret – and most important – part of his expedition: to search for and map for the Crown a mysterious “southern continent,” which turned out to be New Zealand and eastern Australia.
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Hundreds of scientists set sail to locations throughout the world, hoping to catch a glimpse of the transit and be the first to bask in the glory of priority. Most of the expeditions would end in failure. Some were of such comically devastating proportions they sound like something dreamed up in an ancient Greek tragedy. Bill Bryson recounts one such misfortune in A Short History of Nearly Everything:
Le Gentil set off from France in 1760, a year ahead of time, to observe the transit from India, but various setbacks left him still at sea on the day of the transit―just about the worst place to be, since steady measurements were impossible on a pitching ship.
Undaunted, Le Gentil continued on to India to await the next transit in 1769. With eight years to prepare, he erected a first-rate viewing station, tested and retested his instruments and had everything in a state of perfect readiness. On the morning of the second transit, 4 June 1769, he awoke to a fine day; but, just as Venus began its pass, a cloud slid in front of the Sun and remained there for almost exactly the duration of the transit of three hours, fourteen minutes and seven seconds.
Stoically, Le Gentil packed up his instruments and set off for the nearest port, but en route he contracted dysentery and was laid up for nearly a year. Still weakened, he finally made it onto a ship. It was nearly wrecked in a hurricane off the African coast. When at last he reached home, eleven and a half years after setting off, and having achieved nothing, he discovered that his relatives had had him declared dead in his absence and had enthusiastically plundered his estate. (Thanks, Nick Risinger’s blog)
~~oo0oo~~
How did they do it?
The mathematician James Gregory recognised that the distance from Earth to the sun could be calculated by observing a transit of Venus from two points on Earth that are far away from one another. Edmond Halley and Joseph-Nicolas Delisle came up with different ways of doing this. In 1761 and 1769 (Venus transits come in pairs around 8 years apart with a gap of around 105 years between pairs), scientists made epic journeys to take part in this measurement.
Here’s an outline of how Delisle’s method worked. Two people with accurately synched time pieces (another challenge in the 18th and 19th century) would observe the exact time that the transit began from two places on Earth. They would not see the transit start at the same time because of a phenomenon called parallax.
At some point, the red observer will see the Venus transit begin and will mark the time.

At a later point (because the Earth is spinning, and Earth and Venus are orbiting around the sun), the blue observer will see the transit begin.

Using Kepler’s Third Law and some high school geometry, you can determine the distance Venus has orbited in this short amount of time, and then the absolute distance from Venus to the sun (Thanks Avery Pickford’s blog).

~~oo0oo~~

PS: Do find and read Bill Bryson’s entertaining account of the transit of Venus!

Cellphone Roamin’

I send a serious sms:

Hi all

I will be able to send and receive sms’ while in Lesotho.

I’ll be there from Thursday about 1pm to Monday about 12 noon.

Thanks Pete

———————————————————————-
and I get this:On 2012/05/28 Jon Taylor wrote:

where-ever you may roam

thru mist or snow or foam

remember that you’ll always be pissed

what you ask for the way to go hoam

. . or something like that – some fossilized song that’s hard-wired in my calcified brain.

——-ooo000ooo——-

lesotho

My Pasta Chef

Dragging the juicer out of the pantry, TomTom looked at me.

And now?

I want to mix some pasta dough, Dad.

That’s the juicer, boy, here’s the Kenwood chef.

OK

Mixes the stuff, whips it up, then kneads it by hand;

Next thing he has a pasta machine clamped to the kitchen table. It has never been used before. Or not that I have seen, anyway! Rolls out the dough, puts it through the machine to cut tagliatelli or penne strips.

Tom pasta1

I need to dry these out now, Dad, where can I put them?

On the granite, fella, and we’ll cover them with a dry cloth.

All gleaned by his own self from the “Techniques” chapter in one of Aitch’s books “Pasta & Pizza Presto”. He’s going to cook it for lunch after school tomorrow, he informs me. I’ll taste it, fella.

He did, I did, It was delicious!

I Get A Bum Rap

Snoozing on Tommy’s bed tonight he lies down and puts his head on my stomach, disturbing me with the racket coming from his Blackberry.

Dad, listen to this rap: It’s 2 Chainz, he’s cool, huh?

All I can hear is a string of chanted F-words.
Dad, he says, taking a picture of my face from navel-level, You could be a rap star. We could call you 2 Chinz.

Hoses himself. So clever. Little squirt.

=======ooo000ooo=======

Jess also took a pic with her distortifying setting:
Dad & Jess

Nrgggh!

Sassy Tom 2012

Sitting with Tom watching Le Mans when he harks back a disgusting snot sniff.
Sis man, I say, digging him in the ribs.
Are you picking on me cos I’m black? he protests.
No, I say, because you’re disgusting.
Us blacks sniff like that, Dad, he says!

———

Jon asked: How do you argue further along this line?

I said: Too busy laffin to say anything. We both hosed ourselves for about ten minutes!

Solemnish Ceremony

I gathered the kids and said “Let’s go and bury Mom’s ashes with Bella. We’ve been meaning to do it for ages, let’s do it now.”

Her ashes had been keeping an eye on us from the mantelpiece. Now it was time for ceremony.

We trooped down under the trees to the spot where Tobias and I had buried Bella and where we had prepared a hole for the little box containing Aitch’s remains.

I gathered my thoughts and cleared my throat and . . .

“ANTS!” the kids shouted, slapping their legs and running away back to the house.

Ah well, I had a little private ceremony, shaking with laughter. Aitch would have enjoyed that (though she’d have had something to say about decorum).

MiniShova Downhill Ride

Early morning start in Hillcrest for the 35km downhill cruise.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Whizzed down the hill again this year, with TomTom keeping up his undertaking not to whinge once. He didn’t.
And he beat his Dad across the line.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

MiniShova (4)
Jess got the family gold, though, tiring of the dawdling boys and zooming off in the last few km’s as always.
Sheila dropped us off in Hillcrest again, and we fetched the bakkie at her flat after the “race”. The steepest uphills are those after the finish – from the Moses MaFIFA stadium to her flat – after breakfast!

You too, TomTom!
You too, TomTom!

Sindi's medal! Well done, girl!
Sindi’s medal! Well done, girl!

Lovely day.
My bum is sore, Dad.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The Hamstring Hop

Absolutely not, I told Aitch. Forget it. I’ll pull a hamstring, I told her. NO WAY.

So I line up for the Dad’s 100m race at Livingstone Primary School. Me and twenty other Dad’s half my age. I’m wearing long pants, long-sleeve shirt and a tie. I’ve removed my leather shoes. Typical delusion of just maybe I can do well at this. After all my time of 11 seconds dead stood for over twenty years and how much can one deteriorate from sixteen to fifty five? Sure, I had probably slowed down a bit, but the question was How Much?

I politely fall back into the second row on the grid to let the pushy okes ahead. There should have been seeding races so I could get pole position AND THEY’RE OFF!

Within five metres I’m four metres behind so I deliver my famous kick and start the dreaded Hamstring Hop. I TOLD her, but did she listen? From the roar of the crowd I hear one distinctive loud peal of laughter rising above all the hundreds of shouting voices.

By the time I finish the three young adonis’ that got gold silver and bronze have already left the podium.

Is Africa for Sissies After All?

I wrote to some of you when I went to the Master of the High Court of KwaZulu Natal to start a frustrating six month process of queuing and waiting to be appointed as executor of Aitch’s estate. I’d been told: Six Months!

The long and the short of that story was I got forgotten outside someone’s door and when the first lady who had helped me saw me (and probably my sad face) she said “Are you still waiting there?” and took me under her wing.
Three hours later I left with the letter of appointment in my hand! Not “We’ll post it”, nor “We’ll phone you” nor “You phone us”. Done and dusted! In my hand!

Yesterday I finally admitted defeat after searching for Jess & Tom’s adoption papers (the ones that say “asof uit u gebore” – ‘as if born of you’) high and low in our upside-down house. I had turned over everything at home, in the garage, at work, at Trish’s Mom’s place, everywhere five times, so I turned with resignation and trepidation to plan B: Apply for replacement forms from the Department of Justice.

I phoned Ms Miya (who I seem to think we dealt with – her name was on a 2004 letter – the only thing I could find) and she said “I’ve moved from that section, but I’ll help you my lovie”!
And she did: She phoned me back in a few hours and said “When can you come and fetch them?”
How’s that!?

I went first thing this morning to the Pinetown children’s court. Walked in at 7.45am and walked out at 7.48am with the forms in my hand!
Whattapleasure.

Very worrying, though. Are we going soft?

Mom, Moz and Morphine

On 24 June 2011, Pete <pete@sheila.co.za> wrote:

Hi Jayne

Wanting to get to Mozambique for snorkeling soonest. Trish not well at all and wants to go snorkeling and I’m trying to arrange. Phone +2**2394*002 if you can.

Hope and trust all well with you? And your gang?

Our kids well – just rattled.

Thanks

Love Pete

———- Forwarded Message ———

Re: Delayed response Re: Where you?

Hi! I am helping out at a Lodge in the Vilanculos area over the Xmas period – so may not reply promptly to your e-mail!

All is well however!

J —

Jayne Janetzky

———————————–

So I make a phone call

———————————–

On 25 June 2011 09:31, Pete <pete@sheila.co.za> wrote:

Hey Jaynee J !!

So good to chat to you again. That CAN DO approach! Love it. WhattaPom!

We’ll fly at a moment’s notice and I’ll do EFT as soon as you tell me.

The one fly in the oinkment will be PAIN. Let’s hope! Morphine is said to be amazing, so here’s hoping.

(Aitch says, “Morphine has always meant dying to me, Koos!” Well, it has to all of us, hasn’t it? )

Speak soon P

———————————————————————–

Subject: Re: Delayed response Re: Where you?!

Date: Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:46:10 +0200

Hi my darlings

Well of course its a CAN DO. For you guys we kill bulls and marauding elephants!!!

Have a self-cater chalet lined up (nice) ….price being negotiated …..

LAM cheapest airline especially if you book on line.

Morphine – whatever gets you through the night Trish – is alright, is alright!!!!!

Waiting for you guys – bring jerseys!!! XXXXX

~~~oo0oo~~~

Well, it didn’t happen.

Aitch ended up in hospital for a night, which ended up being four nights – ‘Just to rest.’ Actually, I thought the herceptin had affected her heart, but my good friend cardiologist Dave said no – but he looked very worried – the look on his honest face made me realise we were near the end – and sent her to our other friend Mike the pulmonologist, who checked her in. She was quite chirpy when we visited, but tired and in pain.

Then she came home on the 1st July – THANK GOODNESS – and spent her last four nights in her own bed, fussed over by us. No more pain thanks to morphine prescribed as she checked out of hospital.

She died early morning 5 July 2011. Last words; ‘Thank you. Love you Koosie!’

~~~oo0oo~~~

Fietsry in the Karkloof

So we enter the 19km event at Karkloof on our pushbikes. Me n Jessie.
Aitch n Tom are going to do the 10km.

We head off and Jess does well, stays on her bike on some gentle uphills, no pushing.
Riding up one hill after 4 or 5 km we hear a whooshing sound, and a wheezing and a loud shoosh and huh and a muttered curse and I realise its not a train or a wind turbine, it’s an oke saying “Spekkies – howzit?”. Young David Hill, peaking this early. He’s let himself go, as they say, since last season when he did Tuli in Botswana and was a shadow of his former self, and is paying the price. Finds his bike has lost all its former zippiness.

We rode together a while, but then gravity took over and off went Hill downhill at an ever-increasing speed on his high-tech multi-shock softail plenty thousand Rand special just when Jess ran out of steam and decided to chill a bit.

MTB Dave Hill

Hill’s bike

After another few kays I realised I was probably leading my category and was in for a podium finish and a prize: First SLOBO home (Seriously Lazy Old Bald Optometrists division). Jess was OK on the downhills (if rather cautious) and slow on all uphills – including some sections of “Dad, come back and push my bike for me”. Even so, I thought I had the win in the bag and was rehearsing my acceptance speech when, with much creaking and panting, an OLDER, BALDER optometrist pulled up next to me and called out “Swanepoel!” It was young Graham Lewis, who, although MUCH older than me, was probably competing for my crown! I tried to delay him but he was eager to move on, so – although I could have blown his doors off – I let him go (on his twenty year old, unsprung bottle store delivery fiets, with his knees whizzing past his ears his seat was so low) as I had to wait for Jess. Ah, well, silver medal, I thought.

MTB Graham Lewis

Lewis’ bike

Meantime, back at the 10km, Aitch was waiting for 24yrs of trouble on six legs – Tom and the Bainbridge twins Peter and Philip. And waiting, and waiting. Hordes of cyclists passed her as she looked back in vain. Fifty, sixty of the slowcoaches they had been ahead of went past. “Have you seen three little boys?” she eventually started asking. Someone had: “I saw three little guys lying down in the grass near the drinks table chatting away” said an observant soul. Back went Aitch to roust them out and get them back on their wheels. “We were talking, Ma” was the explanation.

Just before prize-giving I had a thought and scurried over to have a quiet word with the officials. “First SLOBO home: Swanepoel” came the announcement over the tannoy system, and I stepped onto the podium to receive gold – to tremendous applause. Lewis had been disqualified, and quite rightly so. He’s running the Comrades ultra-marathon again this year, which quite clearly ruled him out on the important “SL” part of the category. Justice had prevailed.